Top Ten Signs Apple Isn’t What It Used to Be

February 13, 2019

Top Ten Signs Apple Isn't What it Used to Be: 10. Old slogan: Think different. New slogan: Donglelicious. 9. Announces the new Mac Pro at Paris Fashion Week. 8. Stakes entire future on iCards 2.0. 7. Partnership with the House of Fabergé produces $3000 phone made of porcelain. 6. Now making products thinner purely out of spite. 5. Calls its new battery case “Apple Juice”. 4. Phil Schiller caught moonlighting at rival fruit company Del Monte. 3. Hopes to increase services revenue with Siri phone sex line. 2. Fruit trees at Apple Park actually part of new Produce Division. 1. Starts spelling Mac in all caps.